What Falling in Love Means to a Man
Love is one of those things that falls under such heavy analysis that everyone has a different definition for it, yet nobody understands it. Women have a definition, men have a definition, both sides are equally wrong, yet both has concepts that can be agreed upon, such as, love drives us all to a stage of crazy. It breaks us out of a comfort zone and places emotions and feelings in the hands of another, and lets face it, there is no scarier feeling then the idea of someone else having control over what we feel.
There is a reason that most relationships don’t work out, the fear gets the best of us, boundaries are set that are borderline impossible to respect, or one side is simply more juvenile than the other. Whatever the case may be, love is a pain in the ass, yet something that we all search so hard to feel.
A lot of men get criticized for not ‘loving’ enough, or not ‘caring’ enough, and that is the confusing piece of emotion I am going to attempt to explain. The factors of what it means to a man to fall in love.
The myth of being ‘over-protective’
We have all heard about the guy that is deemed over-protective, hell, I’m one of them. I am a piece of the myth, but the fact is, we are over-protective because we give a shit. You hear the stories about the girl who goes “My man lets me do anything I want, we both have our own separate lives, and then we have each other”
BEEP BEEP BEEP
Immediately what you can take from this is that the guy does not give a shit, want to know why? When a guy loves a girl he wants to share days, he wants to share time, and in one way or another compromise is developed that lead you both to have your separate interests and hobbies, but separate lives is a different thing all together.
A man is meant to be protective, think about the dog mentality, loyalty and protective. If a man cares about a woman the one thing that you can give us credit for is the fact that we will rip the head off of anything that threatens her. Whether the woman is in the right or wrong of a given moment, that very moment the man will defend her and challenge anyone who says otherwise. You know a man loves you when he is willing to stick his neck out for you regardless of the cause. If he lets you fight your own battles and wants nothing to do with your drama, you don’t mean a damn thing to him.
The possessive theory
Men get deemed possessive when they begin to explain boundaries, and this is another concept that gets on my nerves. When two people get to know one another it is normally a pretty quick trip to find the pet peeves and the things one another won’t stand for. When you fast-forward a year into a relationship it isn’t going to magically change, but often times one side or the other is supposed to be ‘accepting’ to change. I don’t agree.
When a man puts full claims to what he doesn’t like, people he doesn’t like, and things that he doesn’t want you to be out and about doing, it is because WE CARE. Don’t believe me? Push the board enough times, experience enough fights about particular topics, and watch when we suddenly don’t give a damn about what you do with your social outings. The second we stop giving a damn it’s because we’ve given up on trying to encourage you to care about the balance of feelings in the relationship, and are essentially preparing ourselves and protecting our heart.
The close guy friend
Men don’t like guys that make a point of being a close friend to our women. Now, if we were all in the same social circle and knew each other all along, that is one thing, and even that comes with its set of hesitancy and potential for disaster, but in the event it is someone who is met somewhere along the way, that is a breach of comfort of another level entirely.
We don’t trust the guy friend, the guy friend almost never has genuine intentions in mind. Sure, there are guys that can be friends and have that close friendship interest and nothing more, but it is rare. If the girl is attractive and the guy is her friend and he is given the opportunity to try and make it something more, chances are he will. Guys have an internal radar about us, and we can also see through the glamour of ‘Mr. nice guy’ and see in his place, captain douche bag.
It is often claimed as jealousy, when in fact we are simply protecting what we claim as ours. Before that is labeled as ‘possessive’ and debated as “no one belongs to anyone”, when a guy gives a girl his heart, he is owning that he belongs to her in a level of affection, romance, and care. It is a mutual agreement. Before you get all ‘self-empowerment’ on me, shut up, you know what I mean, I’m simply stating what most people fear admitting.
The odd nights out
As mentioned in another post by me, the reasons a man doesn’t like his woman going out without him, it all rings true. Men don’t like their women going out without them because its simply an invitation to problem. When you commit and you truly take the step to the boundaries of love, with it come certain expectations and sacrifices. One of these things is the late nights out alone shouldn’t really be an option.
Before you rant and rave, if it matters, don’t claim love. Claim you are together, that you have fun, but love hasn’t come into the picture yet. So many people throw the word love around but don’t have a damn clue what it means. Love is sacrifice, plain and simple. Falling in love is the ultimate vulnerability. Falling in love means that you are making yourself available to get hurt, and no one likes to get hurt.
When love is broken
When a man falls in love he takes the tough bravado of himself and opens a new door to himself, one that he only lets particular people into. It’s a step of ultimate vulnerability, but falling in love is exactly that: vulnerability.
When the love between a man and woman gets abused, it can rarely be repaired. I’m speaking from the viewpoint of a man, a woman’s would be different, but for men, getting over hurt is an entirely different battle that many of us never truly achieve.
Think about a dog that you have at home that is loyal and loving and you scold it for things that it didn’t do. You see confusion in its eyes, you see uncertainty, but still underneath it all there is that loyalty that hangs strong and doesn’t fall away.
To a man the very same can be said about trust, if we love you we will be loyal, we will take on the world before letting you feel discomfort and pain, but the moment that love and loyalty is abused and ignored we become broken men. That level of trust and care may still be there underneath it all, but the path to uncovering all the pain and hurt is one that we randomly head towards, and one that has no set time frame as to when things will become normal again.
This is the very reason why love needs to be viewed for what it is, a privilege, an opportunity to feel something that will fulfill you in ways that nothing else can. You have to handle it right, otherwise you risk the possibility of losing it forever.
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