State Cops are Special

This is an old story, about a year and a half ago, but it was from my old blog, and honestly, it’s pretty funny. With that in mind, this is a true story. It actually happened, I got lucky.

I do not drive legally
I know how to drive and once upon a time I drove legally fact is when i fell off mom and dad’s insurance policy, the whole premium thing- whew- i could sell my soul and not afford it
Face it, a lot of people drive without insurance, it’s tough not to when insurance companies won’t accept blood donation as a means of paying for their absurd prices. So what most people do, I do—Nothing, I pretend it doesn’t exist.

Well luckily it seems like that’s the way to be here in Ri. Whatever- I can digg with that- I can be king fuck it more than anyone else. They should make me a crown, give me a cane, I can pimp the very idea of ‘fuck it the world is gonna burn anyway’.
Wow- I’m a lucky guy

Anyway I’m driving my bomb of a car down 95 and the son of a bitch stops I’m like:
“Wonderful I’m gonna get arrested”—
My wife is like, hey it’s all right, don’t panic. Right, don’t panic, she gets a ride home; I obtain a nice shiny silver bracelet, and soon some nice new pajamas. I forgot to mention I had a ‘felon’ in the car who was recently released on bail, double points!
Nothing is going to go wrong, a minute later I see police lights begin to flash, red police lights. I don’t know if this is for everywhere, but for here, it signifies ‘State Police Man’. I was just like, great, here we go:

State cop pulls up and I’m further like to my wife-

“Seriously I’m fucked here we go”

I walk up to the car and he’s a nice dude asks me what I think the problem is. I said:
“It’s a piece of shit my guess is coolant or gas”

He laughed and said

“If you want and it’s up to you I can ram you to the closest gas station if you put yourself in neutral”

Here I was driving illegal as hell being offered the ultimate fucked up solution to get to a gas station. I said absolutely. He warned me it might put a dent or two on the bumper and I said

“Ram the fuck out of it let it go down with some pride”

I actually was pushed via cop car all the way to an Exxon gas station. He may have been the only cop whose hand I shook and thanked.

It was pretty exciting he was navigating me with speakerphone enthusiasm while I was just navigating the road with my car in neutral. Pretty damn exciting. Here I was, super-bomb of a car, being pushed by state police man, illegal vehicle, over-packed car of people, flashing lights, could it get any more fucked up? Nope. Nope it couldn’t.

Anyway- I got home and everyone couldn’t believe what just happened. I couldn’t believe it the most- but that’s because prior to this ‘adventure’ I was stating I better not get arrested because of this piece of shit car, and boom, so close yet so far.
Clearly it wasn’t my time

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