I always find the way people act, and how they compose themselves on an emotional level to be interesting. I guess because people are so very different in a number of ways, yet, there is a common ground of certain values. Granted, I can only speak from the male persona, hence the title: a dive into the male psyche, I think I have a pretty solid grip on how most guys think. (Given the proper consideration: that they live inside the adult world and are are not either a) going on a growth spurt in puberty where they feel the need to lash out and be an individual or b) live in such a way where they don’t are about anything except themselves)
Men are misunderstood as often as women are, there is no particular rhyme or reason to this, just the simple fact that we think differently. The way our minds take in various situations simply compute different codes in our mind, it’s not what is right or wrong, it is simply ‘what is’.
So let’s begin this with a simple statement: most therapists suck.
It’s true and it drives me crazy, you get a man or woman who took the time to read a few books, get a degree, and suddenly are self-acclaimed experts on people. Problem is, they are far from experts. Just because you have the ability to read a book and write a few reports doesn’t mean that you have a strong grasp on the human psyche. Hell, the chances that I wrote the report for you and you earned the grade are quite high as a matter a fact. Tells you a bit about the educational system doesn’t it? Then again, on a further note, not like these colleges can do a damn thing anyway, can’t claim plagiarism unless there is someone looking to acquire the proper credit for the work, and I got work-related standards I stand by 🙂
Anyway, when it comes to therapists I can speak from a personal experience that a lot of these people don’t know their ass from a hole in the ground, the majority that I have spoken with led to a common outcome of me talking a lot, meanwhile, they sit there nodding their head saying “Mhhm”, followed by probably doodling a stick figure drawing on their pad of paper.
The ones who sit there playing with their pad of paper the whole time, half the session could be about how you want to take the pencil and shove it up their ass. It’s almost like, “Hey buddy, hello, you listening?”
Of course, always with the mhhms, at least you are consistent, prick.
To be fair, I have experienced one therapist that was actually solid in the sense that she would call me out when I was saying something when I was in fact in the wrong. That led to positive development, and for that, Jodi, thank you. You are the one therapist that actually got my head screwed on a little tighter. The fact is a therapist is worthless the second that they begin referencing book terminology as a way to effectively handle your life. People go to a therapist with a hope to relate, not for the definition of how our minds experience happiness.
People want reassurance that they aren’t a horrible person, people want the guidance of a separate opinion during difficult times, what they don’t want is an analysis of what stress’s true definition is. I had a therapist who went this route, as a matter a fact, his couch was so comfortable that half the time I would start falling asleep. Boring bastard.
So, off to the male psyche, ultimately, what the common man is made up of:
Pride- Labeled as one of the big bad sins of life, but seeing as I am not very religious, looks like I can talk about this one without any hail mary’s following it. Men work on a principal of pride, and this works in a number of ways. It ultimately composes us for daily routine, gives us an ethical standard of things we will and won’t do, but it also gives us a code to live by. If we can’t be proud of who we are than the chances are we are broken beyond repair. Pride is the very thing that can drive a man to do great things, or it can be the thing that is taken away that makes a man no longer want to live.
The places we apply our pride are in every single avenue of life, think of it like this: relationships, work, family, and everything that is in between. If a man is with a woman, he is proud of her. He is proud of the fact that he can claim her as his, and him as hers, and will stand by her through thick and thin. A man will always be proud of his family, it’s what he is always going to be a part of, it’s his definition of the idea of ‘home’. Work is a funny one, it doesn’t necessarily mean that a man enjoys a given job, but it means that he takes pride in the job he does. Men take pride in providing, when we do a job we have a certain amount of pride involved that subconsciously we did our best.
The guys you see at work who half ass what they do, well there is a reason why there is a fine line between a man and a boy, some people haven’t grown up yet, and some people never will.
Loyalty- I’ve mentioned in previous posts that men take on a certain kind of dog mentality, and it’s true. I’ve been told I’m a black and white person, but in a way I kind of view it like most men view things in a black and white kind of spectrum. Men associate themselves with things that they can be loyal to, many times you will see a man and be able to truly define what he cares about, you can tell what he cares because of the amount of time they invest into a given person or thing. That being said look at it this way:
If a man is loyal to something he will invest his time into it, he will believe in it, and he will walk with it and protect it. If a man doesn’t invest the time or attention into something, take it for what it is, he doesn’t care.
Opinionated- Going to start this one with a very clear observation: there is a large difference between being opinionated, and being just a clear cut asshole. It’s easy to sit there and rant and rave about all the things that you hate and how life is unfair, yadda yadda yadda, for those people, get a box of tissues and please suffocate yourself with them. In the midsts of balling your eyes out into the kleenex let it act the part of an assassin and please spare the world from your drama. That being said, being opinionated means that you have beliefs and you aren’t afraid to speak your mind.
Most men will make the effort to state what they think, however, there are several that choose to keep it to themselves and don’t verbally put the thoughts out there. There is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ when it comes to this, just a matter of preference and a given guys personality.
I’ve spoken my mind many times and pissed people off while doing it, but one thing has never changed: I don’t apologize for believing or speaking what I feel. I don’t think people should. Why say sorry for being yourself?
Humor- This is a key fact, a man knows how to laugh. Without the simple joys such as simply cracking a smile and laughing once and a while what does that leave someone with? Well I don’t know that such a definition exists, but the term most people would call such a being would be “a miserable bastard”, a man can afford to let their guard down once and a while and take a moment to just laugh. We can’t be serious all the time, there needs to be that solid balance to experience the several things life has to offer. Without balance there is only one thing- misery.
A man doesn’t fear conflict- We don’t, plain and simple. We don’t look for it per se, but a man doesn’t shy away from it either. One of those lessons that you learn early in life is that you can be the rug for people to walk on, or you can take the daring approach and be ready to speak up for yourself when you need to. It’s screwed up because in a way society shuns and calls it defiant when someone speaks up and voices out against something they don’t agree with, well, what should we do? Keep it all bottled up? Let our self esteem run to hell because it is labeled as an act against society to state what we really think and feel?
A man will open up- Now let me explain something, opening up is the ultimate vulnerability to a man. You can not expect a man to run around like he is trying to audition for the next episode of Opera, for one, we hate Opera, she sucks, for two, it takes time. A man will open up and express himself when he is ready to and when he feels he can trust a woman.
There are a lot of people out there that live boring ass lives and their idea of excitement is hunting for the stories of other peoples drama. Well, us men have this kind of internal radar and as such we are very picky about who we will truly express ourselves to. Men aren’t cold and covered up from the stance of emotions by choice, we are that way because we have seen that the world is demented and uses such things for entertainment value. We wait for someone that is truly worth talking to, until then, well, we are quite good at talking to ourselves.
In a nutshell
So, in a nutshell that is some basics about the male psyche, a bit about what to expect from a man, what truly matters, and why we think the way we do. When you take a dive inside the male psyche it can be a bit of a roller coaster, but if you think it is hard on us, try the journey on understanding how a woman thinks, it’s not a walk in the park either. Haha.