The Truth About Grand Theft Auto


This is about the gaming franchise, not the actual act, just to clear that up for anyone who is unfamiliar with entertainment of the current day and age. I would consider myself a gamer, to an extent, I mean I don’t play every second of the day, but if I need to blow off some steam, why not?

Grand Theft Auto is a game that originally came out back when I was around the age of 8 or something, I had no real understanding about what it was, I was a little guy that ran up to a car, threw the blurry guy out of the car, took the car, ran over the blurry guy, and laughed as I did it. If I was to really think about it now, I would think this is how serial killers were made, making killing someone amusing, but no, that passes for entertainment these days, and entertaining it was.

As time passed and I grew I think my parents were hoping I would outgrow the whole gaming thing, “So, how is Sean doing? Anything successful come out of his life yet?”

“Well, he dropped out of college but he is a hell of a playstation player”


Well, not really. That would be a conversation to be had if my family had social gatherings, but we don’t, so such words were never said. The truth behind my gaming abilities has remained a secret for a very long time. That or it was very cleverly hidden like it was some kind of conspiracy, I’m thinking that is the case.

Anyways, the whole Grand Theft Auto game, as I aged, it began to dawn on me, these ideas were not in fact fictional pieces of art, these were in fact forms of expression.

Some guy, I would like to say he is probably my twin, was sitting in traffic one day, after one too many cut offs from some asshole on the road, this idea of brilliance was given birth.

Furthermore, I am going to reference the truth behind this game into a few segmented points worth considering.

Stealing a nice vehicle


Anyone that has ever driven what I like to call a “bomb” has thought about stealing a better vehicle. We could be sitting in this *chug chug chug* piece of shit that sounds like its very breath could be moments away when, *Vrooooom*, a corvette pulls up beside “said” vehicle. If you don’t think the driver of the shitmobile doesn’t look to his right and see this old fat guy and think “I could take him”, meaning literally, take him and his car, then you live in a different world then I am from.

Many of the people who struggle with financial crisis like to think back in the day where strength rules and you could simply pummel someone to death if you like what they had, now that leads you to a confining space and the pillows they supply at that place suck.

Police are gay


Going to iron this out really quick, I don’t dislike gay people. Gay people are nice, police however, are faggots. Like every kind of group I reserve the term ‘faggot’ for someone that poorly represents a group, and if anyone does a good job at that, it’s the boys in blue.

It is my firm belief that most police look like they belong in an S & M video somewhere, or they are fucking vampires. Someone should get the news to them that when it is 9′ o clock at night, you don’t need a pair of fucking sunglasses. You will look gay no matter what you do, go play with your walkie talkie ‘cowboy’ that never grew up.

In the game Grand Theft Auto you have the option of fighting the police, beating them, shooting them, in all truth it is pretty damn therapeutic. I actually lost myself in trying to follow the story of the game because I would block off a building with cars and go on a full scale sniping spree, I think by the time I was done the police department was out of ‘fill-ins’, they had a busy day of recruiting ahead of them, that was for sure.

I can’t say it changed my opinion on you guys that think you are bad ass because you can abuse the law, but I got to act out a lot of my fantasies about what I would like to do when you commit such acts as arresting for reasons that make no coherent sense.

Also, it is a known fact that most men feel we can outrun the police, it is actually something that has been polled for and researched a bit. This was also applied to the Grand Theft Auto game, we all wish we could effectively run from the police, when they were given chargers as the new police vehicle, this dream was taken away.

Removing hoodlums from the street


Anyone that has seen the movie “Hobo With a Shotgun” can already somewhat relate to this, but Grand Theft Auto takes it a step further and lets you live the experience. Hoodlums, you get the play the part of a trash removal system, which is exactly what hoodlums are, trash, and it can also be therapeutic.

Every city has them, every state for that matter, doesn’t matter where you are, they exist, they are the real-life aliens that we see, and I call them aliens because calling them assholes is simply too easy, they look like this:



Skip even learning what his real name is, stick to something that will forever make sense: DICK, That is the only word that describes people like this. The wanna be hoodlum is like the disease that has no cure, the thing that will always exist and that no matter how many disappear it will resurface eventually.

I think that if you gave people one day, kind of like that movie “Purge”, where you told people of a community,

“Hey, you have one day where you can address all the people that are plaguing your society, get rid of them however you’d like”

All the people that hoodlums think are afraid of them would have a quick turnaround. While hoodlums would be threatening said people with a switch blade, the people who were successful would be able to afford something along the lines of a semi-automatic weapon, and long story short, the world would be a bit more peaceful.

Hoodlums suck. I don’t care if it is your brother, sister, whatever, I was a wanna be gangster for a few weeks in my teenage years, I think we all go through the phase. It’s like the chickenpox except that some people never get cured, they just get stupider.

Making money wherever possible 


Has anyone else noticed that the economy is not getting better? I will put it this way, I look back at my parents generation, back then, a person could survive by working one full-time job and having the other soul mate stay at home.

Anymore, that is impossible. The world wonders why everyone is so depressed, the theme of ‘struggling’ is everywhere you look.

“Why is no one happy?”

Well, for one, many people are suffering and they just ignore it and think about what next political move will be pure shit and cause an uproar, but when they aren’t doing that they are enforcing new “minimum wages” where they think they are doing the world a favor by raising it a whole 20 cents.

20 cents, really? What the fuck are you supposed to do with that? Maybe after all the misery of a week where you pull just enough money that big bad ass raise can be put toward buying a milkshake at McDonalds, while you cry and weep about how shitty life is at least you can taste some fake ass vanilla flavored refreshment, what an accomplishment.

But seriously, it’s completely ridiculed to think about ‘dishonest’ ways to make money, I’m not going to defend doing dishonest things for money, but I am going to say what the fuck you expect from people? You put anyone in a desperate enough position and if they have family that they have to take care of, desperate people do desperate things.

The relevance to this and the game? It simply gives you a ton of ideas of unethical shit that can potentially make you some money. Seriously.

I bet that in some third world countries someone was playing this game and a lightbulb went off in their head and they went:

“SHIT, this is a damn good idea”

Next thing you know, you got the follow up Pablo Escobar.

Don’t say video games never did anything for anyone, they can be quite educational.


So, all in all, just a little bit of a fun write up that with any luck provided a smile or two. Time to start doing some real work. Hope this was enjoyed in one way or another.




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