Story

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Title: Story

The hurt is fading
The anger surfacing
The tongue that’s been tied
Is now forever stating

I’m being eaten alive
Influenced by the hating

The fatigue deep inside
Has carried into my eyes
And the weight intensifies
These breaths are wearing thin

The heart that’s on my sleeve
Has been cut, left to bleed
Now I’m left with a need
That I can’t seem to feed

Yet it reaches out to me

The loneliness is taming
The pain forever staining
The way I see the world
Is a bruise with endless shading

A wound linked to the world’s weeps

The wound has cut too deep
It’s been taking from my sleep
Yet each time I close my eyes
I lay my prayers down at my feet

It seems I’ve stopped believing
Held together, but I’m needing

This hole in my chest
A piece that is not healing
Can you tell me what I’m feeling
Crippled to a pain

That has left me kneeling

Take what is left of me
As a glimpse of something
That at one time was me

And craft it into a story
That it was meant to be

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Blind Detour

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Image from: gravityshock.deviantart.com

Title: Blind Detour

I set my hopes aside to see
The fragments of my dreams to be
Scattered, poisons to a fate
Trapped by visions; bound by hate

Draped with blinds of broken time
As the silhouettes of yesterday

Cause my veins painted a way
Of words I never came to say
Scars told a story— tears the rest
The floorboards of the home a test

I laid there broken, blue and still
A puppet, starved, misguided will
Lack for control, that day that came
And found myself—a clench of shame

The shroud of loss claimed my soul
Steps held the faintest sound

Yesterday, so long ago
Remnants of the past, a familiar clue
The stitches that run along my eyes
I rip to remind— I’m still there for you

The scars on my body—the stain of the past
The reminder that I used to be somebody
The survivor of something more—a disgrace of my kind
A man walking still, as lost as the blind

The alleys hums familiar tune—
Cause this sound of solitude
You recognize it better—
When you’ve lost it all

Past Tense

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Title: Past Tense

These breaths are lifeless
These eyes are damned
Don’t have the strength,
Or will to stand

Fault lines my mind
A mix of time
With all the answers
I couldn’t find

Stretched with the need to find tomorrow

With chains that drag on broken ground
A voice that’s void of human sound
Look yourself dead in the eye
Fight when life’s a withered sigh

Each day begins with a doubt
What can we live with, and without

Face the demons deep inside
A smile of mischief
And pain to hide
Grip them up, wish them well
And send them packing, back to hell

A soul that’s broken with a hole
Heals with the strings of self-control

Swallow grief, bend with will
Never give up on tomorrow
As hopes are thin, pain is full
All thoughts are bathed in sorrow

It’s the need to see
The sense for more
Admission that inside is sore

It’s the moment you choose to live again
That everything else becomes the past

Is Religion a Scam?

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Is Religion a Scam?

Religion, how it is something so sacred, yet, so open to opinion. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with having something to believe in, but at the same time, holding others accountable to have that same belief, that is flat out senile.

Religion is supposed to be something that delivers comfort, a place to look toward if you need ‘lifting’, perhaps help with believing in yourself, so why is there a negative side to it if you don’t share a given belief? Why add the additional ‘sinner’ label’ if you don’t follow something to a “T”, well, I consider that to be a good question.

Encouraging a belief toward something is okay, saying someone will burn in hell if you don’t believe, well, that’s some special shit. The entire concept of ‘religion’ is something that encourages getting past tomorrow.

Lets talk belief

Believing in something that makes you think tomorrow will be okay, who is anyone to say that is wrong? On the same accord, it shouldn’t be an area of penalty if you simply don’t feel the same way.

Embrace what you feel, not what others feel you should feel. The whole concept of inspiration is basing your actions and your beliefs around something bigger. Basing inspiration on things that grow over time, that gives reasoning to constantly improve…chase the future like it could be tomorrow, but accept the fact that it could be a long time from now before it actually occurs.

Anything that says you must feel a particular way– Well, it’s bullshit. Religion is about acceptance and support, so when various ‘aspects’ start claiming how you will burn and die on account of taking other beliefs into consideration, well, that’s just complete and total shit. That being said, let’s recognize religion for what is should be.

Philosophies of the Male Ego-Religion; What it is supposed to deliver

  • Comfort- If you don’t believe in yourself, this being on a cloud is supposed to make you believe. Even if you don’t, pretend. Life is tough, take a moment to reflect on the fact that you are doing all right. The reminder alone can really go a long way.
  • Values- Values are hard to set in life, and even harder to abide by. Consider the values of your life, and try to set a stand to accommodate them, order in life is rather and important, and if you don’t have order, you won’t understand until you do.
  • Reflection- The past is a place to look back on, like it or not, you lived it. If you lived it, grant it the opportunity to deliver a ‘learning’ lesson from it.
  • A place to look for guidance- Breaking down is never a good option, it leads to impulsive decisions, emotional choices, and an overall path to pure complication. Find a way to adjust and consider your choices, think about whether or not a choice is the right thing to do.
  • A chance- Chances in life are few and far between—consider the benefits of a choice—and additionally, consider what negative aftermath may surface—essentially, choices are in our hands, think about the course our actions will take, and make yourself view the results “in the long run.”

The Problem with Religion

It is one thing to press positive ideas and the ‘consideration’ that religion ‘could’ benefit people and grant a place of ‘guidance and solution’, pressing anyone into a belief due to fear is unhealthy though. The threat of eternal damnation for not matching beliefs to the way they are written leads to false beliefs, lack of inspiration, and the exact opposite of what spiritual guidance is meant to be.

Isn’t that what religion is supposed to be about? An outlet for a difficult time, a place to retreat during difficult situations, a quiet place to visit while taking on the various trials and tribulations life has a tendency to deliver.

Well, newsflash, religion has become a place of complete and total misery, oppression of opinion, and criticism toward believing other ‘possible’ scenarios that lead astray from what a given book says. When managing struggles and trying to make the most positive decisions possible, the more available options to find belief, the better the outcome. So why oppress anything when the outcome is the same? The fact people just want to feel secure in themselves? I don’t have an answer for that, hence the point of this article.

My problem with religion is the way that it has seemed to walk away from its very roots and become more a ‘bully’ in regard to the fact that you either believe, or you are marked a piece of shit for not taking in the idea.

Well, screw that. Sorry, if I am to believe a single force is the very judgment of my every action, I have the right to consider it, evaluate it, and question whether it is the right idea for me. If a man in the clouds is to watch and judge my every action, why shouldn’t I have the right to say, “I need a few days to consider it”, the idea is, belief should be based on patience and acceptance, not oppression and force. The only belief you gain from that approach is one that takes it because there is no other choice, which leads to a complete and total rebellion, speaking of rebellion, how did angels fall again?

A discussion for another time. Hopefully I created some questionable thoughts, that after all, was the goal.

Lets Talk Self-Image

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Lets Talk Self-image

It truly is a philosophy: yes, we care about our image. The whole idea that ‘we don’t care’ and the people that say they can ‘look however and be just fine with it’, hey, there are a lot of poor labels out there, this happens to be one of them.

Everyone cares, the fat bastard who has clearly given up on things because he likes sweets so much, he cares, he has just given up because there is not an easy option available to remedy the given problem.

Reiterating on that, sure, you may find a guy who claims he doesn’t give a shit about how he looks, but the truth of the reality is he is a lazy bastard and simply doesn’t want to do anything about it. Before I hear about ‘what if he works a lot and simply doesn’t have time’, well then, the concept of ‘lazy’ wouldn’t apply. Which means going to the next issue at hand, put the chicken wing down.

Changing your self-image all comes down to self-control, either take the time to get some, or don’t bitch about the fact that you are beginning to look like Jabba the Hutt.

Have you ever heard this idiotic phrase?

“No one loves you more than you love yourself.”

It’s stupid, like completely out of control stupid.

I’ve heard it before and honestly, I don’t get it. Consider me a believer in the concept that you should feel good about yourself? Now, don’t get me wrong, the people who walk around like their shit doesn’t stink, well they need a good foot up their ass, but if you simply can appreciate and value yourself, why not?

We should essentially be proud of who we are as people. With each passing year the struggles and challenges we overcome have a way of molding our character, and making us each unique individuals, of course this is something to be proud of.

The people who take every day and remind themselves why they hate themselves, sure, plenty of people exist like this, they are normally the ones you hear about on the news. The stories never have a positive theme.

I feel that not enough people really take the time to appreciate what is good about them. On the opposite side of the spectrum, there are people who lose hope in themselves and stop trying to improve themselves. I don’t feel bad for these people, you are in control of your own self-esteem, well, to an extent. A prime example:

There have been 2 times in my life I have been overweight, once I was 220 pounds, and about a year ago I spiked to 235. Depression had a lot to do with it, but after a certain amount of time I looked at myself and simply said ‘you pathetic shit, get up and do something about it’, we have control over ourselves. You can’t expect people to change your feeling of unhappiness; it’s something you have control over.

I still remember to this day where my wife was like “You are fine, there is nothing wrong with how you look,” finally, one day, she comes around to telling me I’ve gained weight, I flipped. Not because of the criticism, but because I was waiting for the honesty to be slammed in my face months ago and now here I was some fat bastard and I had to do something about it.

Meanwhile my wife is like ‘the kids haven’t eaten all the chicken nuggets, here why don’t you eat them’ YUM YUM YUM, okay, it wasn’t really like that, but in my mind, it’s how it was replayed. Like I was the damn cookie monster, a big trash dumpster, and it was simply like, here, eat more, eat it all! WTF had happened to me?

I now weight around 180, which is healthy for someone 5’9ish. Whereas prior, at the 235 pounds weight class, I was what you could call a modern day ‘dwarf’. Fact is we all want to be able to look at ourselves and go, all right, I’m okay with that. If you are avoiding a mirror like it is a modern day plague, address it, the only shame is the shame of ignorance.

Just believe in yourself

It is so easy to give up, life isn’t meant to be easy. Life is meant to be a consistent routine of sacrifice, an ends to justify the means. We all have to work towards something, and to work towards something you have to believe in yourself.

The second you choose that life is too much for you, then yes, things will fall beyond your control. For the sake of inspiration though understand, everything around you that isn’t you and your own efforts is beyond your control, identify the things that you can change and make an effort to control them, because they are the very things that will decide how you feel about yourself.

The more impact you have on the things you can directly cause change to, the better you will feel bout yourself.