A Reaper Of Misguided Time

The emptiest whispers
Cast the greatest shadows
They wrap inside the mind
Haunting a soul for hours

Insecurity spreads like fire
A poison without cure
This flame is set to burn
I’d know, it lasts a while

Nature’s fine design
A road in firm decline

And so it begins…

Eyes tainted, unforgiving
A heart, tired of living
The refusal to give in
With a hymn of discipline

Carving stories to a stone
For when I am alone
Looking back to see
That I did this once before

The loss is paralyzing
Yet, I find the time to breathe

Each step spreads a message
Each day a symbol made
Each day I try to live
It’s one life I try to save

As darkness spreads around me
It ties me in a knot
Memories are what remain
The thoughts we have forgot

You are the prayer to my thoughts
The drive that pushes me

Two eyes may ache forever
Watching all that shouldn’t be
Standing by with a hope
For a chance to believe

Until that moment makes way
As time takes me apart
The drive inside will burn
As I hold you in my heart

As darkness overcomes me
Loss stains my every step

I stand, a reaper of misguided time

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Small Things

Each day a twist
Inside a tale
As time divides
Losses and gains

Tarnished memory
Crafting resilience
In the eye of the storm
A thing we call living

Each breath unforgettable

Fatigue coats the casual
Disappointment, life’s knife
It sticks out our back
The things that couldn’t be

Wind paints our steps
Choices and dreams
Time, a chameleon effect
A moment becomes history

In a matter of minutes

As soon as tomorrow
What we know may change
Familiar becomes unknown
What’s known, unpredictable

Stand in the moment
Embrace what you feel
We can own where we stand
As everything else remains

Things beyond our control

A Quest of Self-Loathing

Have you ever had that feeling where you just can’t stand who you are? Of course you have; in one form or another, it’s human nature. Whether it’s the way you look, a decision that you made that you didn’t think through enough, we have all been there.

So, why am I writing about it? I guess it’s because while it seems easy enough to call human nature, it’s a human nature we tend to ignore. Instead, it’s as though we punish ourselves for it. Whether we go out and make a ton of bad decisions, lock ourselves behind doors and binge on whatever “poison” gets us through the day, or a number of different things, over time it begins to take a toll.

Again, why am I writing about this? I guess it’s because the feeling has become something so “natural” that it needs to be pointed out that it’s something as an individual CAN in fact be countered.

I ran away from life for months, I ignored key problems in my life and let them gradually bury me in an emotional coma. I then numbed myself and tried to hide from my problems. While I could sit here and blame many things the person to TRULY blame is myself.

I gained weight, hated everything I saw in the mirror, and simply became the very core of depression. One day all of that finally changed and I said enough was enough. I can sit here and continue to be disgusted with myself or I can start building toward a change.

I decided to make a change.

Since that very day I’ve strived to a better me every single day. There is no instant gratification. I’m not going to go out and jog for 10 minutes and suddenly have a 6 pack, nope, I’m going to have to work and beat out every bit of weakness I allowed into me. The point to this is this: when it comes to being harsh on self-judgment I am the king of setting standards against myself. If I can do it, anyone can do it.

If you aren’t happy with yourself take the time to make the change. If you feel embarrassed because of how people may see you struggling to make the change, screw them, they don’t matter. Starting out (again) I’d run up the street and be winded. Since the time I’ve started and now I’ve tripled that distance and still am building day by day.

Don’t let the eyes of the public hinder your own personal quest for change. The only person that can solidify being beaten is you. When you quit the game is over, as long as you remind yourself that you can be a little bit better every day then you are still building toward a better you.

I am still disgusted when I look at myself, but even then, there is the reminder “I am doing something about it.”

When depression gets a leash on you it’s incredibly difficult to break free from, but it isn’t impossible. Some days will in fact feel like complete and total hell, but even then you have to remind yourself that it’s a state of mind, and a state of mind can change from embracing something you enjoy; whether it be a book, a video game, or a simple cup of coffee.

Lastly, we have to live in a way that is set by our own personal standards. The more we concern ourselves with how others feel we should be, the more we lose ourselves and the personal identity that makes us strong as individuals. Each of us has a set of standards, a set of likes and dislikes, and the closer we keep ourselves to the things that make us special and unique, is the more likely that we will be to find true happiness.

I’m probably the most pessimistic, negative person I know. Murphy’s law applies to everything in my life; the theory of “what can go wrong will go wrong.” Even with this in mind though I am forcing myself to be aware of the fact that the only time things are truly beyond control are when you YOURSELF decide to quit.

I’ve been building myself to say everyday… fuck quitting, take life by the throat and build yourself into being something you can be proud of again. Don’t just hear it from me though…apply it to yourself…regardless of who you are or your own personal challenges, the same theory can apply.

Here is to living with a clearer mind.

Drawing Lines in the Sand

First off the title, Drawing Lines in the Sand, it’s about life. Choosing what you do and don’t deal with and how much you really invest yourself into living.

The lies we tell ourselves, the things we do to throw a curtain over the things that are really going on inside. It makes you wonder about the term “weakness”. Sure, it can be applied to a million different things, but it all comes down to one philosophy: we are only as strong as the amount of pain we allow ourselves to face.

When does “coping” become “running away”? Who says there can be one predetermined method of dealing with loss? Sometimes a loss can strike a blow deep enough to the heart that a person becomes a shell of what they once were.

Does this make them weak? Or does this make them human for feeling?

How can another person judge the loss another is facing? The people who pay the therapists to talk, and no there is absolutely nothing wrong with talking to a professional, but the wrong part of it comes when they start to “tell” you how to feel as opposed to giving you suggestions toward things that can potentially distract the mind.

Crying is like a mixed review; some people view it like it’s pathetic, when in fact it’s the exact opposite. Crying could very well be a symbol to the word passion, ever notice how these same people that critique showing pain are the very ones that are miserable?

I couldn’t tell you where I am going with this. A lot of self-analysis, some consideration towards what others face, and a cold acceptance toward the fact that I don’t think I can overcome that dark gloomy feeling that just kind of shows up when it wants to.

In many ways I prefer being a loner but very much owning the full feeling toward the things I am loyal toward. It beats the alternative of being someone that tries to fill a void with something that simply doesn’t belong.

It’s odd how people second-guess themselves the amount they do. I say it’s odd not due to there being a possibility of doubt, but because the origin of where this second-guessing comes from is rarely one’s own conscience. It’s often times because someone finds a way to knock our mental walls down and create the doubt when it was never there to begin with.

There is a constant reference toward the pride of being an individual, you always see those little things and commercials celebrating how wonderful it is to be your own person, the problem is in these commercials there is often a group all doing the same thing. It’s unrealistic. No, people are not going to gather together do cartwheels and agree on every point of life. That’s not how being an individual works.

The very theme of being an “individual” has been modernized and pissed on. There is no other way to put it. You can’t one moment encourage people to be themselves and then the next moment punish them for this or that or label something from a society standpoint to be “wrong”.

Being an individual comes with the idea that certain things just are and rather then fault someone for something instead you accept it as a part of their being.

The world today supports only one theme: conversion; to follow a set standard and to not stray far from it. If this wasn’t the case there wouldn’t be so many things set as “expectations.”

The many levels of authority dictate what is right and what is wrong. As a matter of fact it has so many people on edge it explains why jobs at most places are so tense and almost impossible to enjoy for everything they could be.

Speaking of authority, I hate it, and not for the juvenile reason of “I don’t like someone telling me what to do!” Nope. Has nothing to do with that. Granted, I don’t like being told what to do, but that is simply a part of life.

My issue with authority is the amount that it’s abused. When someone leads with respect it creates loyalty, when someone leads with ignorance it creates hatred. When you deal with enough authority figures that do it the wrong way it leads to a permanent flaw of expecting authority figures to suck.

So, in a way this is a rant, in a way it’s perception, but ultimately it’s about respect. Respecting yourself, respecting others, people really have forgotten how to do it. People are afraid to speak up for themselves in fear of the disciplinary actions that may follow, this leads to negativity and tension, and then from there it simply spirals out of control.

If you are having questions about how you are living it’s a pretty obvious fact to conclude that you may be avoiding something. Fear can own you or it can simply have a place in your life. Choose the latter, sure, hardships are inevitable, but how you handle them is entirely up to you.

Is Religion a Scam?

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Is Religion a Scam?

Religion, how it is something so sacred, yet, so open to opinion. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with having something to believe in, but at the same time, holding others accountable to have that same belief, that is flat out senile.

Religion is supposed to be something that delivers comfort, a place to look toward if you need ‘lifting’, perhaps help with believing in yourself, so why is there a negative side to it if you don’t share a given belief? Why add the additional ‘sinner’ label’ if you don’t follow something to a “T”, well, I consider that to be a good question.

Encouraging a belief toward something is okay, saying someone will burn in hell if you don’t believe, well, that’s some special shit. The entire concept of ‘religion’ is something that encourages getting past tomorrow.

Lets talk belief

Believing in something that makes you think tomorrow will be okay, who is anyone to say that is wrong? On the same accord, it shouldn’t be an area of penalty if you simply don’t feel the same way.

Embrace what you feel, not what others feel you should feel. The whole concept of inspiration is basing your actions and your beliefs around something bigger. Basing inspiration on things that grow over time, that gives reasoning to constantly improve…chase the future like it could be tomorrow, but accept the fact that it could be a long time from now before it actually occurs.

Anything that says you must feel a particular way– Well, it’s bullshit. Religion is about acceptance and support, so when various ‘aspects’ start claiming how you will burn and die on account of taking other beliefs into consideration, well, that’s just complete and total shit. That being said, let’s recognize religion for what is should be.

Philosophies of the Male Ego-Religion; What it is supposed to deliver

  • Comfort- If you don’t believe in yourself, this being on a cloud is supposed to make you believe. Even if you don’t, pretend. Life is tough, take a moment to reflect on the fact that you are doing all right. The reminder alone can really go a long way.
  • Values- Values are hard to set in life, and even harder to abide by. Consider the values of your life, and try to set a stand to accommodate them, order in life is rather and important, and if you don’t have order, you won’t understand until you do.
  • Reflection- The past is a place to look back on, like it or not, you lived it. If you lived it, grant it the opportunity to deliver a ‘learning’ lesson from it.
  • A place to look for guidance- Breaking down is never a good option, it leads to impulsive decisions, emotional choices, and an overall path to pure complication. Find a way to adjust and consider your choices, think about whether or not a choice is the right thing to do.
  • A chance- Chances in life are few and far between—consider the benefits of a choice—and additionally, consider what negative aftermath may surface—essentially, choices are in our hands, think about the course our actions will take, and make yourself view the results “in the long run.”

The Problem with Religion

It is one thing to press positive ideas and the ‘consideration’ that religion ‘could’ benefit people and grant a place of ‘guidance and solution’, pressing anyone into a belief due to fear is unhealthy though. The threat of eternal damnation for not matching beliefs to the way they are written leads to false beliefs, lack of inspiration, and the exact opposite of what spiritual guidance is meant to be.

Isn’t that what religion is supposed to be about? An outlet for a difficult time, a place to retreat during difficult situations, a quiet place to visit while taking on the various trials and tribulations life has a tendency to deliver.

Well, newsflash, religion has become a place of complete and total misery, oppression of opinion, and criticism toward believing other ‘possible’ scenarios that lead astray from what a given book says. When managing struggles and trying to make the most positive decisions possible, the more available options to find belief, the better the outcome. So why oppress anything when the outcome is the same? The fact people just want to feel secure in themselves? I don’t have an answer for that, hence the point of this article.

My problem with religion is the way that it has seemed to walk away from its very roots and become more a ‘bully’ in regard to the fact that you either believe, or you are marked a piece of shit for not taking in the idea.

Well, screw that. Sorry, if I am to believe a single force is the very judgment of my every action, I have the right to consider it, evaluate it, and question whether it is the right idea for me. If a man in the clouds is to watch and judge my every action, why shouldn’t I have the right to say, “I need a few days to consider it”, the idea is, belief should be based on patience and acceptance, not oppression and force. The only belief you gain from that approach is one that takes it because there is no other choice, which leads to a complete and total rebellion, speaking of rebellion, how did angels fall again?

A discussion for another time. Hopefully I created some questionable thoughts, that after all, was the goal.