Story Potential :)

Just when I thought my day couldn’t get any worse this asshole does this…Now here I sit watching this repulsive slob, bitching, asking for a sign to live…and don’t get me wrong, I could give him one, but I’m not going to. Actually I will give him a sign…

With a clink a razor blade falls next to the man who is acting like a deranged pregnant woman.

Before you go about calling me mean you would have to take the time to understand a little bit about me, this prick called me here. I did not come from free will, I came because this is my job.

I’m the thing that comes right before someone is about to take their life. I’m a therapist for the soon to be deceased. In my world I’m known as a reaper, in the human world I’m known as something supernatural. I’d give a Wikipedia page to check me out but when are those things ever entirely accurate?

There are many of us, reapers that is, and we work in shifts believe it or not. We’d have to or we would become the very things that we service. It’s a real bitch to hear about…what? Don’t believe me? Imagine that time you listened to a friend complain about life and how after 30 minutes you wanted to duct tape their mouth shut, well, imagine that daily, this damnation is my life.

Don’t feel as bad for the repulsive guy up there now, do you? If you said yes… then chances are I will see you soon.

Day 1365

I began life as a demon, yes, the dark shadow that just enjoyed torturing people. You make one little mistake and this is what you have to look forward to. I go from causing people to pray, to listening to the idiots that are praying, to me, fuck me. You can only imagine the shit I have to listen to:

“I’ve been seeing John for a week and he cheated on me I don’t want to live anymore”
“My parents aren’t buying me a car because I didn’t make honor roll”
“No one loves me…I treat the world like a toilet bowl and no one understands me so to get attention I’m going to paint my nails black and pierce my face 30 different ways”

Die, die, die. They could all fall off a bridge and I would probably do a cartwheel.

I should mention that I don’t do any of the “judging”. The place these people end up whenever they kick off isn’t up to me, I’m merely that little voice of reason that tells them “Hey, you fucked up”. Occasionally I will talk directly to the people, but even doing that is breaking the rules of this gig.

What can I say? Rebel to the end…I didn’t choose this position.

I have to commit myself to 5000 days of this garbage. 5000 days of hearing people bitch, whine, and moan. Then I get to go back to being devil me…and if I’m not the most vicious damn thing in the world after this then I will be the broken fat kid that is getting kicked on the ground. Every day I grow to hate people a little more…I’d blame me for it, but no, people just suck.

You may wonder why I’m writing about a particular day in this 5000 day sentence of mental abuse…and I’m going to tell you, today is the day that I betray everything I’ve existed for, for a woman. Yeah, shut up. I get it, what the fuck is wrong with you, right?

She’s special.

That’s right, I’m going to light a fire under my ass for a mortal woman. Crazy? Absolutely, but that’s what I live for, I live for chaos.

So here I was summoned to listen to yet another whiney fucks lament about life being unfair and that was when it took me by surprise, the most beautiful ‘being’ that I’ve ever run into was looking into a mirror at herself, crying and ready to end it. I can read her thoughts so naturally I knew this….

“I have no reason to push through anymore of this. My family ignores me, the people that are supposed to care are pretend, I’d like to punish them all…make them realize if they chose to gave a shit maybe I wouldn’t have put an end to this miserable fucking life. Why should I do this anymore, why deal with the pain and the sadness, it’s all shit…if there is anything out there that could possible convince me otherwise I don’t know of it.”

The mirror begins to shake a bit and gradually changes color and then something appears….you guessed it, me

“Yet it knows of you.”

Charming right? I’m sure my very appearance shocked the shit out of her, but off the bat lets make it known I’ve been stalking her. Her reaction is about what I expected, she isn’t talking at the moment because she fainted. I’m not doing anything better so I have every intention of waiting. It’s like watching an angel sleep except angels are pricks, she just looks angelic.

After some time passes she begins to stir and I say as calmly as I can…

“After such a speech I didn’t take you for one that would faint.”
“What the hell are you? How are you even here”
“You ask for some convincing and your first questions are how dare I invade your privacy…fucking women.”

And this was the start of a beautiful friendship. Can’t you see it gradually molding together?

“I have to be dreaming, there can’t be a god damn person in the mirror talking to me.”
“If it makes you feel better I can come sit next to you, the mirror just happened to be what you were looking at. Ever wonder what’s looking back at you?”

And with that I vanished. Not forever, not even for very long, but long enough to keep her wondering. The rules that I break here aren’t just preventing a death, but inviting her to understand my world, and that is exactly what I do as I begin to watch over her. Demon turned guardian angel, who would have known?

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Dare to be Normal

I wrote this as a short story in what was called a “quest for normal” let me know your thoughts::
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I Want to be That Way- The Confession of a Patient
It seems like every day is filled with a new set of questions:
1. Who you’re supposed to be
2. What you’re supposed to be
3. How you’re supposed to act
4. Intolerable behavior
Who exactly sat down and wrote this guideline to life? I’ve seen the ‘deemed’ professionals ranging from various shades of superstardom, whether it be:
• Dr. Phil
• Montel Williams
• Maury
And various other talk show hosts that analyze and evaluate how society ‘should be’, the problem is there are so many variations of this ‘normal human being’ personality that I’ve seem to completely lose focus. What is normal anymore?
Society is a collaborated bias of opinion, and that is the very root of the problem. Favorable opinion doesn’t generate the label or ‘correct’, it only dictates the idea of being ‘popular’. I’ve read so many self-help books that I decided to not pay the rent simply to try and better myself, now the books can really help me when I burn them to keep me warm.
I Just Want to Be Accepted
The society standard of what’s acceptable is all over the place. The more you try to control the more likelihood there is for rebellion and the hovered concept of ‘outcast behavior’. When you just want to be normal it’s as if anything you do that isn’t deemed as completely morally right makes you a terrible person, well I simply can’t come to terms with that.
Isn’t life about exposure? The strongest adaptable points of our behavior coming from the mistakes we make and why we shouldn’t do them? Or is it more normal to simply be swayed by the opinion of those who like to dictate the terms of what should and shouldn’t be, when in fact all they share are words that are easy to agree about on account of being so innocent?
Imagine a world filled with people who never took risks, and did absolutely no wrong, and what would we be left with? Like it or not we would be the equivalent of a society of robots incapable of our own choices, and that would simply be boring.
Normal is What You Want it to Be
The quest to be normal is based on the image you paint inside your mind. If you feel you aren’t a normal kind of individual, chances are you probably aren’t. However, that doesn’t make you ‘not normal’, it simply makes you in regard to ‘public standards’ not normal. It doesn’t change the fact that to your standards you are beyond normal, you are the definition of it.
The concept of a label is one that dictates so many foundations of life and choice that when it is given too hard of a push it becomes a borderline corruption inside the idea of being an ‘individual’. When you can define normal send me a postcard because by the time we can all agree on it I’ll be inside a white padded cell because my head will need the genuine comfort of down-feather padding.
Society speaks and the World Listens
When a trend of sorts is marked ‘acceptable’ by society it becomes more than a trend, it becomes a popular thing people should strive to be. On the opposite spectrum of this idea, when an idea or trend is shunned it is labeled ‘weird’ or ‘different’. My point between the analysis of these two things is that each of these receive labels, one in a negative light, the other in the positive, but between the two where does normal have anything to do with either?
Normal is a standard we can set on ourselves and what we wish to be; the quest for normalcy is what one decides to make it for themselves.
An individual striving to change habits or various fragments of their personality, how does that make them any different from the person who is completely set with who they are? The very concept of self-improvement is more defined in the individual with problems and the pursuit to fix them. Wouldn’t it be safe to say the one striving to improve is more of a contribute toward society than the one that is simply lazy and says
“I’m great just the way I am”
Or by society standard is it a positive thing to feel accepting toward who we are as human beings and comfortable with what makes us that person. Something to think about isn’t it?
Why accept anything about ourselves when the world in itself is in constant improvement? Shouldn’t that be a notion in itself that we should be like an evolutionary wheel? Never set, never tame, always on the run toward change? Maybe it’s a contradiction that people and society expectations should be entirely separate concepts, or maybe we are far too down the line for that kind of adjustment and the idea of ‘error’ and ‘miscalculation’ is all part of being normal too.
Why Doubt When You can Just Agree
When you hear an accepted idea that has already become a standard in one way or another to shrug your head, whether you agree or not, is normal. Does that mean if you disagree you are against the idea of being normal? It certainly makes you different to not agree to the ‘popular’ analysis, but where is the separating moment between ‘different’ and ‘normal’, and what doesn’t allow them to be the same exact idea from a different point of perception?
When you hear an individual on a quest to become ‘normal’ the question rises once again, what does it really mean? Give me an answer to that and I’ll write you a self-help book that can actually contribute toward a better society as opposed to these compositions of literature that simply lead you on a path to replicate how the author thinks.
Taking into consideration the power of expression, the freedom of speech, and the overall idea of ‘individuality’ is far more than a simple reference point of what creates a personality. In fact, it’s the very components that create the art of being normal. When we quest to be normal, we actually quest to simply be ourselves, and for better or worse accept it is who we are. Normal can’t be defined because it falls far beyond the bounds of consistent definition and to grant anyone the power to label such a thing would simply require far too much money.
Seriously
We are interesting and different in our own special ways. Our differences define individuals, they allow people to exceed in things that would otherwise be impossible on account of the fact that ‘talents’ in themselves are ‘differences’ from one person to another. Take away the difference, the unique, and the socially unacceptable and what remains is a plane composed of a large population that all think and act the same—and that, would be terrible.
“Am I right? Am I right? I mean come on Dr. you’ve been seeing me for how long? And how many books have you written from the notes you’ve taken down? Face it, you aren’t the knowledge behind those thoughts, you’re one of the boring robots I mentioned! If you could think for yourself you wouldn’t have to write down every little thing I said to simply make yourself seem like you’re worth employing to evaluate the degenerates of society like myself!”
At this point the Dr. began to shrug his shoulders and stare in disbelief. The argument of his patient has taken his mind by the corners of their creativity and forced him to listen. What was normal again anyway? Somewhere in between the rant he grasped a strong concept of it, and then it was lost from another brilliant point made. Who was trying to be normal anymore? Himself, or his patient?

Bleed For Me

Possible novel idea, just tossing around ideas in my head and threw this together:

Bleed For Me

How far would you go to save the ones you love? Turns out I would give it all, that is how this story begins. I’m Sean, I’m a part of a race that is nearly extinct. I don’t know our name, it was never fully explained to me. In out race we existed, and that was good enough.
Normally a story comes with a beginning, a middle, and an end. This is going to come with a beginning, and then it is going to be you living through my eyes, through my choices, and living my footsteps.
So, let the tale begin…
The beginning
The air was thick, the feeling if hatred was linked to the very atmosphere I was walking in. We were being invaded, barbarians. My family had been killed, I was making my way to the home of the girl that I loved. Chaos was erupting around me, but the only thing I could think of was ‘her’.
I got to the house to find that the door was kicked in. I ran in and found ‘her’ kneeling beside her parents, dead parents, crying. I took her in my arms and told her, “It will be okay, I’m here, I won’t let anything happen to you.”
A moment later 4 barbarians came through the door laughing, and then something happened, time froze.
“What would you give to save her?”
I thought I was losing my mind. I had to be, was this death?
“Would you give anything to save her? Last time I’m asking, then I will just watch you two get slaughtered, but I like you.”
“I would give anything, yes, anything at all, just say what you want.”
He named his terms, I had no choice but to comply. We survived, I became something else, she would never remember me or the love we shared, and I was not allowed to speak to her of it or I would be forfeit of my life.
We got to live and my sacrifice was the very essence of what makes love, love. I sacrificed everything to protect ‘her’.
A new life
So that was it, the attack on our home ended shortly after. I was rescued, she was rescued, I loved her, she knew me as a boy from the same town. I made a deal with something that didn’t give me its name, only its terms, and we survived to tell the tale.
I had to let her live her life as she chose to, I became known for my strength and my ability to protect the innocent, meanwhile the prince fell in love with ‘her’ and I had no choice but to let it happen. It was that or die, and while the pain inside made me want to die, I couldn’t protect her if I put myself in the ground.
If life was only that simple…this life was filled with good and evil, filled with war and bloodshed, filled with magic and the unknown, and this story was just beginning.
I heard the screaming, the fighting, the commands to retreat. I was waiting in a room that could be called a dungeon, but to me it felt like home. I felt like a prisoner in my own life, and then I heard ‘her’.
“You have to run, you have to, they are coming!”
I remember the last time I ran…I may have saved us, but that whole feeling of fear left me. Only duty now…when you lose everything and you live for something, you put that first.
Silly girl… when you lived the life I did you didn’t get to choose how to live, but how to die, that’s another story.
“No one will harm you Princess, my word.”
“The prince is dead, we have to go…”
Is it nasty to be happy when someone dies? To me hearing those words was kind of like telling me there is hope to regain her heart, true, I couldn’t tell her who I was, but maybe my natural charm could draw her in…okay, maybe I was fucked…time will tell.
“Princess, move along, I have a duty to protect you, I will let no harm come your way, keep moving and get to a place of safety.”
A moment later they came. A group of them, barbarians of a sort, on the hunt.
“Give us the girl and you will live slave”
Did this asshole really just call me a slave…? There are wolves…and there are sheep…and this guy was going to learn quickly what it meant to be mauled by a predator. I motioned toward the princess,
“Her? You want her? Sure,” I smiled. A grin that spread like the most infectious disease, “Oh, you have to come through me to get to her.”
I looked back at the Princess, “Go on, this is your chance to get a head start”
“This is suicide, come with me!”
“Enough. Stupid girl, go. Going to get us killed by acting like a brat”
What? Girls liked to be treated like shit, this was my key to have her talk to me later…if there was a later, one problem at a time.
She turned and ran.
I looked back at the savages, the animals, “Now, you assholes, I’m going to give you one chance to walk away. This is it, you turn and leave now, I don’t give a shit where you go, but if I see you again, I will kill you.”
They laughed.
“You are but one man, we are four. We will slice your throat and make your little girl there our play thing”
You can lead a horse to water…but you can’t force the stupid fucking thing to drink now can you?
“I hope you are ready to die, you see, I am. You threaten the things that I care for and my life is the price I’m willing to pay, are you ready to die?”
I looked at them and took in what they were feeling, I could smell it. I could sense the fear that was pushing through their mental patterns, I could sense the uncertainty they felt, about what they were truly getting into, and then the first one charged.
Again, I smiled. My eyes changed the color of crimson red and I caught the barbarian that ran at me by his lower jaw, I had my hand in a downward position holding his lower jaw, and then I ripped down, I ripped this fuckers jaw right off.
He screamed. I would too if all I had was a tongue flapping around and no lower jaw to cover it up again, what can I say, I warned him.
That’s when the rest came, they came flooding in more and more by the second, so I fought back.
Conflict and chaos were music to my ears, I cared about little, but threaten the things I love…
I felt the blows landing one after another, killing blows, as my foes began to drop and pile on the ground, but no matter how good you are in a fight, you fight enough people, and you are going to get your own blows.
I felt the fatigue begin to kick in as additional blows landed, but I continued to fight, I wouldn’t give in. I fought them back to the door, blood that had rushed up my throat I spit in the eyes of my opponents to blind while I dealt more blows.
I let out an inhumane growl and the remaining barbarians in the room ran, yeah, I mentioned I was no longer really myself right?
I pushed myself back against the wall feeling the blood rush out of me, as I looked across the room I saw one last figure come into the room, it must have been the leader of this barbarian group.
“You fought bravely, but for what? Now you die, no future, nothing to look forward to.”
Says you mother fucker, says you.
“I tell you what, I make it quick. I end you and I take pretty princess for bride, sound good my friend?”
You know what they say about adrenaline, it empowers. It allows people to do impossible things, lift cars, save babies, the whole lot, what people forget to mention is adrenaline combatted with adrenaline can have interesting results, apparently this guy wasn’t happy about losing his fighters. I charged him with an inhuman roar and he shoved his sword right through my belly, I dropped to the ground coughing blood.
“You see, I was going to make quick, but then you have to try and be hero. What are you trying to prove? Just me and you here.”
I laughed, I must have sounded insane, maybe I was insane. I was spitting blood, I had a feral smile on my face, and I just began to smile like I had a god damn comedy kick off going on in front of me, and then came the rush I was looking for. I felt the rage, the anger, the change, and I charged him. Try to block this one asshole.
“I’m not interested in dying you piece of pillaging shit, you on the other hand, you would make a good play thing. Maybe I will make a necklace out of your bones when I’m done with you.”
“Your eyes, what are you? You are not human, you are damned, there is no way you could survive that wound and move this way if you are human”
“Well look at that, you got something right after all”
And with that I snapped his neck. I dropped the piece of shit right where he stood, and then I changed back. My energy was gone, fatigue was setting in, and I felt the effect of my blood loss. I crawled to the corner of the room ready to accept if this was my end, I protected ‘her’ until the end, I did my part…I did all I could…and with that I blacked out.

When I woke up I was in a bed, my wounds were wrapped, my entire body felt sore, but I was alive. Next to me was ‘her’.
“You are awake…I don’t know how you did it, but you held them off…allies came shortly after and chased the remaining hostiles away. Without you I would have died, I owe you my life.”
“You owe me nothing, Princess”
She didn’t. She was my heart, for better or worse and all that. Silly as it sounds, it’s the truth.
“You make it seem like nothing, Why would you risk your life for me, you don’t even know me, no one is that loyal”
I had to swallow that comment, loyal. If only she knew, but a deal is a deal. If a man can’t be of his word, then what is the man?
“It was my duty”
I left it simple as that. I felt myself drifting off to sleep, dreaming about ‘her’ and thinking about ways I could get around this deal without getting myself killed in the process, so far, I was doing a shitty job.

 

image from: imgfave.com

Rim Nahm- Cranston, Ri Restauraunt Review *Ouch*

Rim Nahm

-By Sean Monaghan

I was in search of a craving, an urge to indulge in some Thai food. Upon careful consideration a decision was met between my wife, my son, and I on a place called “Rim Nahm”. I personally had no idea what that name meant, it could have meant flame pit, but to me, I saw a Thai food sign and ‘by the water’ and I was willing to give it the upper hand, oooops. I am not a man to judge a book by its cover, but for this place I will have to give it a nice pat on the back for being located right by the bridge with a peaceful view of the water granting serenity before the disaster you are about to experience. It was almost a true grasp of a bi-polar moment, feeling the highest of highs, and then once receiving the service by the restaurant, the lowest of lows. Upon ordering from the menu I felt the shivers quiver up my arm that something was potentially very wrong, It was my natural instinct heeding a warning.

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We ordered wonton soup and a simple drunken noodle platter to split between my wife and I. We have a 3 year old, anyone who doesn’t have one…parenting class on the house, they like to grab things that are potentially very dangerous. I am glad to say that our waitress, who must also work in a day care, took the proper precaution of super-nuking this soup and placing it directly in front of my son, Aidan. During the extreme battle of retrieving this ancient weapon of destruction I went to ask for some ice cubes to cool it down, I was met with a stare of complete disbelief. Our waitress, and quite possibly the owner of the establishment, had no idea what an ice cube was. To cut this matter short without fully indulging the drama, I merely pointed to a cup of water then the soup and said I don’t want my son to get burned…suddenly the picture was as clear as a beautiful summer day. Sadly to my disappointment, my mind was far from clear. The drunken noodles were 90% onions which on account of being an avid reader, I was rather certain it was meant to be made primarily of flat egg noodles. They must not have been selling many onion dishes that week, because I had enough there to properly season the rest of the nights orders.

When the time to ask for the check came, I am a firm believer of appreciating small blessings, the end of this meal, in short, was a miracle. Then I paused and looked closer at the bill…50 cent charge for….following my finger over…wait for it…ice cubes…? what? Really!? Apparently the discovery of this particular of this scientific boom pow carried with it a finders fee. Wonderful. Aside from the collapse I had to the sidewalk and minor convulsions, the rest of the night went peaceful without any memory of this tragic incident.

I decided to interview very briefly a few patrons leaving this particular restaurant days later with simple questions of satisfaction. As a commenced answer I would place it as one that would sound like “It was tolerable and I think I will digest it okay, but I have no real intention of going back”. All in all the atmosphere was nice, the scene of the water is beautiful on the right kind of night and with the right company, but for it to hold the strong reviews it has on the google search I attempted means only one thing to me…that many people after eating here simply feel too ill to write a proper honest review…

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An Understanding to Depression and ways to overcome it

An Understanding to Depression and ways to overcome it

“Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad.”
― Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

I’m going to discuss a very sensitive topic; Depression.  It is something that is capable of preventing the simplest essence of joy.  And yet, it is something that everyone at one time or another experience because it is a part of growing.  By overcoming shortcomings and disappointment it contributes to the very development and core of who we are as human beings.  We each handle it a different way and in the public eye it is perceived differently; introvert and extrovert personalities show two different stories because they are from two very different thinking minds.  The most notable time is the time that passes after the depression, and who is left at that time.

You will find that some people simple can’t get past certain obstacles that come in life.  The loss of a loved one or a sibling is a prime example.  Some people simply cannot let go of these fragments of time and they are stuck in one repetitive day; and I phrase it that way because they are reliving the same guilt and sadness on the same thoughts routinely.  They are preventing any growth in their person and being by being completely devastated by time.  It isn’t wrong to hold on to something that one holds so dear; however, it is wrong to not continue to live life for one’s self.  Moving forward and cherishing something that meant a lot to you is completely understandable and an important thought to consider is the person you are grieving over would want to be remembered, but not be a hindrance to one’s own happiness.

On lesser severities small disappointments in life that lead to depression and disappointment, some simply have the experience and knowledge of time that others do not.  Some can take disappointment as a small stride and easily overcome it, tackling what the next day has to offer; whereas others the smallest infliction of a moment not going to plan can lead to emotional outbursts.  Life experience alone and how sheltered one is to the harsh aspects of life have a lot to do with how well one can carry themselves during times of hardship.  There are other things to consider and other explanations to give, however rather than focus on the negative there are positive ideals to consider.

The overcoming of these hardened times of sadness.  There are ways to overcome them, ideas and suggestions anyone can put to use to overcome the difficult ducts of time.  Some suggestions to overcome the very aspect of depression are:

Overcoming Depression

  • A hobby- Find something that you can lose yourself in.  Whether it is a sport, art of some form, or even just a form of music you find soothing.  It could even be the extravagant world of baths and the many things you can do to make them more soothing.
  • Exercise- This not only will lead to a better body image, it will release endorphins in your body that make you naturally feel happy.  An hour a day can greatly enhance how you feel about yourself, or even a half hour.  Go for a jog, clear your mind, and learn to love yourself.
  • Let go- Whether it’s a grudge, or a pain of the past…holding on simply isn’t worth it.  If whatever it is means a lot to you, so be it. Keep the memory, not the pain or anger.
  • Accept yourself- Allow yourself the leniency to not be perfect.  No one is. Find the things you love about yourself and focus on that.  No one can be the best of every personality trait, it’s simply not how we are built to be.  Our differences in strength and weakness are what make each of us unique.
  • Nutrition- Believe it or not what you put into your body has an impact as to how you will feel. If you eat a healthy meal you will feel properly full, and feel the energy to want to go out and do things.  Whereas, if you eat half a pizza, you will feel sloppily stuffed, and not really want to do anything.  A proper diet can contribute a lot to a mood setting.
  • Sunlight- This doesn’t mean go out and soak up the sun, it means to get a healthy amount.  If you’re like me the idea of cooking yourself in a lawn chair simply isn’t the thing to do, but going out for a walk and getting some sun does a lot of good for you.  It interacts with your mind and the production of ‘happy’ feelings inside.  That’s about as scientific as I’m going on that one.
  • Trusted friends- Have a friend or two that you can truly confide in and rely on for advice.  It never hurts to bounce ideas off people who truly care.

Believe in yourself

Just taking the time to believe in yourself can allow you a chance to see tomorrow in a different light.  It’s a shame how many of us fall into the dark pit of depression and simply lose faith in ourselves; it can all change by taking the appropriate amount of time to think it all over.

As someone who has dealt with depression several times through a life-time the battle may be something that comes back from time to time…that doesn’t make you weak, that makes you human.  With the right mindset you can overcome it and always have the edge to lean yourself to happiness.