Our Nature to Believe

It’s our nature to be condemned
Our nature to lose our voice
And forget about who we are

It’s our nature to pretend
Our nature to wear masks
When people are so unaccepting

It’s our nature to resist
Our nature to casts words
With actions to create a voice

It’s our nature to lose our way
Our nature to get lost
Yet find our way in the end

We speak in riddles
Emotions trap us
Fear confines us
Insecurity is our splinter

Yet in the darkest time

We believe in ourselves
Believe we can break
The overthrow of conflict

We believe enough to stand
Believe that standing tall
Sends a message of survival

We believe in holding on
Believe in casting a grip
A quest to see things to their end
We survive in being broken

Stitching our wounds
Mending our thoughts
Breathing gains with losses
An exchange defining balance

It’s our nature to press forward
We believe with each step
We can cast change with hopeful wish

Things can heal and become something more

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Words

Eyes crafted
Made of glass
Memories
Lost in the past

Breathing aches
Yet awake
Reach ahead
A grasp for fate

Lingering…

Smiles spread
Grins alive
Misfortune
Things we hide

Faces painted
Underneath
Hanging on
We wear a sheath

Holding on…

Sparking life
Fires spread
Shadows grow
Ties of dread

Smothering
Pressing down
Kill the pain
Pass the frown

Waiting…

Standing tall
Wind behind
Clouds a spread
Of faith we climb

Breathing steady
Paths led
I stand alive
With word to spread

Together

Misery sews patterns
Defeat’s varied design
Granting birth to fight
A strength that we find

Misfortune is a wound
A splinter of the mind
Expiration is eventual
It breaks away with time

Benefits a blessing
Found along the way
Every darkened corner
Finds the light of day

Chance, a risk we own
A step will symbolize
Movement is a growth
Not measured by a size

Ache exists within
It’s a common face
No matter who we are
Inside it has a place

Difference is a curse
It holds a common ground
Seeking understanding
With an unfamiliar sound

See past what we know
Listen with an open ear
Cast the blame aside
Lets put away the fear

Different walks of life
Prevent the holding of our hands
Lets not over-reach
To take a step, lets learn to stand

Together….with maybe hatred on the mind
Together stands as hope…

Never knowing what will find

Light

The rip inside the seam
Where hope becomes belief
The wear and tear inside
Makes me feel alive

Each breath is exhausting
Silent roads we’re crossing

Set towards fate’s desire
Pulling strings, climbing higher
Each step feels like forever
As life’s burning in a fire

Silhouettes in the eyes
Dancing to the tune of lies
As we’re walking blind
Seeking for the truth inside

It makes you need to believe
A need to find needs

Shadows decorate my past
The things that couldn’t last
Captured in a moment
And gone just as fast

The glimmer of a start
The fresh breath of a heart
When you put together pieces
That were ripped apart

The shadows slowly strip away
And bring a new light to the day

A Quest of Self-Loathing

Have you ever had that feeling where you just can’t stand who you are? Of course you have; in one form or another, it’s human nature. Whether it’s the way you look, a decision that you made that you didn’t think through enough, we have all been there.

So, why am I writing about it? I guess it’s because while it seems easy enough to call human nature, it’s a human nature we tend to ignore. Instead, it’s as though we punish ourselves for it. Whether we go out and make a ton of bad decisions, lock ourselves behind doors and binge on whatever “poison” gets us through the day, or a number of different things, over time it begins to take a toll.

Again, why am I writing about this? I guess it’s because the feeling has become something so “natural” that it needs to be pointed out that it’s something as an individual CAN in fact be countered.

I ran away from life for months, I ignored key problems in my life and let them gradually bury me in an emotional coma. I then numbed myself and tried to hide from my problems. While I could sit here and blame many things the person to TRULY blame is myself.

I gained weight, hated everything I saw in the mirror, and simply became the very core of depression. One day all of that finally changed and I said enough was enough. I can sit here and continue to be disgusted with myself or I can start building toward a change.

I decided to make a change.

Since that very day I’ve strived to a better me every single day. There is no instant gratification. I’m not going to go out and jog for 10 minutes and suddenly have a 6 pack, nope, I’m going to have to work and beat out every bit of weakness I allowed into me. The point to this is this: when it comes to being harsh on self-judgment I am the king of setting standards against myself. If I can do it, anyone can do it.

If you aren’t happy with yourself take the time to make the change. If you feel embarrassed because of how people may see you struggling to make the change, screw them, they don’t matter. Starting out (again) I’d run up the street and be winded. Since the time I’ve started and now I’ve tripled that distance and still am building day by day.

Don’t let the eyes of the public hinder your own personal quest for change. The only person that can solidify being beaten is you. When you quit the game is over, as long as you remind yourself that you can be a little bit better every day then you are still building toward a better you.

I am still disgusted when I look at myself, but even then, there is the reminder “I am doing something about it.”

When depression gets a leash on you it’s incredibly difficult to break free from, but it isn’t impossible. Some days will in fact feel like complete and total hell, but even then you have to remind yourself that it’s a state of mind, and a state of mind can change from embracing something you enjoy; whether it be a book, a video game, or a simple cup of coffee.

Lastly, we have to live in a way that is set by our own personal standards. The more we concern ourselves with how others feel we should be, the more we lose ourselves and the personal identity that makes us strong as individuals. Each of us has a set of standards, a set of likes and dislikes, and the closer we keep ourselves to the things that make us special and unique, is the more likely that we will be to find true happiness.

I’m probably the most pessimistic, negative person I know. Murphy’s law applies to everything in my life; the theory of “what can go wrong will go wrong.” Even with this in mind though I am forcing myself to be aware of the fact that the only time things are truly beyond control are when you YOURSELF decide to quit.

I’ve been building myself to say everyday… fuck quitting, take life by the throat and build yourself into being something you can be proud of again. Don’t just hear it from me though…apply it to yourself…regardless of who you are or your own personal challenges, the same theory can apply.

Here is to living with a clearer mind.